My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
