She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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