people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize