i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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