i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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