Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
