I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Mom said you looked used
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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