u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
