found the other keg... it's in the tree
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
