I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate all girls vehemently.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
