when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
