My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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