The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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