things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
