Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
