Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
