Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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