I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
