Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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