so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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