If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
