we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sobbing to NWA
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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