i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
