i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
