My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize