now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
