and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
