Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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