I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
