Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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