So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
