why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
