I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
