You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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