I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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