It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
