He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
