Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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