some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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