apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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