Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
