just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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