I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
