I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
