his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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