watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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