my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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