Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
