I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
