Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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