Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
