She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
