I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
