He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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