If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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