you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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