Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
