Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
