The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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