So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
