but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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