The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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