I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
