i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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