your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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