I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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