Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
