I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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