Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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