Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
