If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
