you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
