I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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