He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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