Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
