forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
