We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
