i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize