I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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