It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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