I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
