if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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