the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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