I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
