I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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