Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
